Apocalypse Now

The Calm before the Storm
Originally uploaded by Mr Reasonable.

It was 1:55pm and all was calm. This is a picture of the play room before the arrival of 11 girls and 1 boy. I could not post the after shot as it is not for the weak stomached and will induce palpitations to those of a weaker disposition.

Through the window you can see the Fairy Castle that became a stronghold and on the floor is the infamous pink dolls house which now has pride of place.

The magician was brilliant and highly recommended (Nigel Kennedy in Wellington). He kept the kids enthralled for 35 minutes and everyone got a balloon animal to take home and a pat of the big fluffy (drugged?) bunny rabbit.

The only moment of fear was the Pinata. I was a bit nervous of whether the kids would feel OK bashing a pink fairy with a big stick. My fears were unfounded as the poor thing got a pasting. She was of stern stuff and was only mildly dented after a few rounds. On to the Mums and Dads then. Through a well aimed blow, she was decapitated by a yummy mummy and all that remained hanging in the wind was a battered head, with no body. We left the head hanging as a warning to all other fairies.....

Ballet Shoe Cake

Ballet Shoe Cake
Originally uploaded by Mr Reasonable.

A steady hand and the precision of a surgeon was required in the making of this cake.

The Hooters Employee Handbook

I read a short while back (here) that Hooters was coming to New Zealand. This will actually clean up the industry just a tad as, believe it or not, Hooters are a "responsible employer". Think about it. They thrive in the good 'ole "US of A" where people sue each other for even thinking about members of the opposite sex, yet this outfit actually dress pretty young girls in dinky outfits and allow us sad men to oggle and dribble and dream the impossible. How is this possible?

Drum roll please.....

The Hooters Employee Handbook

Well blow me! (ahem, figuratively please)
This book actually goes into great detail about the ins and outs of a Hooters Girl, right down to the shade of pantyhose (a word I still can't get used to, they are called tights, damnit) and the fact that the "shorts are to be sized to fit" (nice) but not "so tight that the buttocks show" (boo).

How do they get around the hoards of lawyers surrounding those poor girls who are being taken advantage of (or not)? Simple. You sign a cast iron acknowledgement that includes the confirmation that "the Hooters concept is based on female sex appeal and the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace". Nice words, wonder if they can be slipped into any other contracts....

The agreement even goes as far as to comment upon a famous US case where several men sued as they were specifically excluded from being Hooters girls. The defense argued that sex appeal was a bona fide occupational qualification (BFOQ) - basically put Sex Sells and it is pretty girls that are sexy, not hairy backed blokes.

Sadly in the case of Hooters, they lost the case when the seven men argued that as Hooters market themselves as a family restaurant rather than an entertainment venue for the sex business, their BFOQ defense did not hold up as the venue was not specifically for providing “vicarious sexual recreation” using female sexuality. I can see the conversation with Mrs R now "C'mon kids, we're off to a family restaurant for tea; you stay at home love, I'll take the little 'uns with me. You need a break. Put you feet up. We'll be back when my balls start to hurt, I mean when we've all had desert...."

Hooters ended up paying $2 million to these guys who were denied the opportunity to serve as Hooter girls and $1.75 million in attorney’s fees. They also agreed to create three gender neutral positions which will be highly sough after in Wellington. Dusting off my CV now. I would have hired the guys and made them wear the same outfits and used them in every advertising promo until they got tired of the "where do you tuck your tackle in those little shorts, handsome" jokes.....

Check out the full handbook here, courtesy of The Smoking Gun. Whilst you're there, subscribe to their weekly newsletter as they get the best gossip and stories.

Little Breeze

I don't mind a wee breeze but I am having trouble writing this as my screen is rocking backwards and forwards as our house is battered by the light wind we have tonight. I am going to puke as I am feeling travel sick sitting here at my desk. I guess it would look like a really cool psychedelic screen saver.....

At least it's not snowing.

Short is bad.

My weekly dose of Dead Guy never fails to cheer me up. Bit like Dilbert which hits home every time.

Life is always better when it's sunny or you're smiling. When it's sunny and you're smiling, well that is just fabulous. When it's sunny, you're smiling and it's the weekend, don't get much better than that.....oh, unless you've got a beer in your hand, or a lottery ticket for $15m. Damn, now I'm depressed as it wasn't me. Back to Dilbert.

Oh the stress...

Planning a birthday party for a four-year-old-to-be takes some serious organisation. I am sure when I was four I just turned up and there was a cake, presents, guests and entertainment. I'm pretty sure I wasn't consulted. I'm certain I didn't have a list of toys stuck to the fridge.

Yet here we are, consulting and bartering with Ms R on the order of play for her big day. The invitation list was restricted to 10 of which there is only 1 boy (poor fella might feel a bit confused for this Fairy Princess themed party) and the menu (can you believe it?) sorted.

We spent some time in the $2 Shop finding things for the goodie bags...GOODIE BAGS? We used to get a lollypop and be happy.....Careful consideration between pink plastic things or some other pink plastic thing.....took some time, such important choices.

Only 2 weeks to go and there is so much to do. Decorations to put up, cake to make (design negotiations were fraught with tension....the strong will of Ms R and the limited skills of us mere parents), presents to buy, garden to do, and on and on.....

The entertainment will be provided by Nigel Kennedy the Magician who is flavour of the month since handing over a balloon animal some months back....a trick learnt from drug dealers I believe, first hit free.....We saw him on the InterIslander last year and he kept about 40 kids quietish for most of the trip - quite an achievement really.

So wish us luck. The planning phase is almost over and soon we will be into the delicate execution phase. Mrs R and I fear for our jobs as we're sure to be fired if we screw this up. We understand that Ms R has put Little Ms R on a retainer so even our safe vote has been turned......

Sweetcorn Gag

Sweetcorn Gag
Originally uploaded by Mr Reasonable.

Isn't that the weirdest thing. I chew but still....

Pumpkin Gag

Pumpkin Gag
Originally uploaded by Mr Reasonable.

Just made me giggle a bit.

HMNZS Wellington

September 2005 009
Originally uploaded by Mr Reasonable.

Took Ms R on a trip around HMNZS Wellington (F69) today before they sink her. Only a real small part of it is open to see (nothing below deck which is a shame) but pretty neat and a brilliant idea to make a home for the fish.

Good genes....

A few months ago, sometime in late June I think, I was at Tumble Tots with Ms R when she pocked her finger into the hole on the left knee of my jeans. She made some comment about it at the time and I said something along the lines of I must get a new pair soon.

Mrs R asked me last week if I had suggested a Fathers Day present to Ms R as she was very insistent about what I wanted. I vaguely remembered talking about slippers a few weeks prior but other than that nothing. Mrs R went away looking confused.

So all became clear this morning when I unwrapped a new pair of Levi 607s to replace my old pair with the hole in the knee. Ms Rs ability to recall such conversations and her determination to surprise me put a lump in my throat. I expect this pair will have a hole within weeks as it is the scrabbling around on the floor with puzzles, playing horses or having to sit on the floor ('cause someone is laying across the couch) that is the root cause. Still, worth it for moments such as these.

It's a Boy!

Good luck to Martha today. I hope your little Bambino does his funky stuff and delivers primo goods all day! May your nozzle be clean and your steam free flowing......