Friday, May 20, 2005

The Fairy Tale

Due to the horrors of my previous story, I thought it would be nice to provide a less gruesome version for the kiddies (with thanks to Caroline for inspiration).

Any similarities to real persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental and are in no way related to Paul Hewitt, David Monro, Lombard Finance or LJ Hooker, who are all honourable and honest and in no way bent, stupid, crooked or unethical. I made this one up in my head and if you think it is real and you want to sue me, you'd better see a doctor or other health professional first. This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to real events or occurrences is entirely unintentional and exists only in the mind of the reader.

Chapter One
Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess called Bumbag. She was indeed pretty and wise and had traveled far and wide in her quest for love. One fine day, in Tonies Land, she met an idiot savant called Pom, a sweet natured but rather idealistic fellow.

At first she wasn't interested and Pom was distraught, himself being smitten. In desperation, he sought the advice of Raj, the local wizard. Raj suggested a powerful love potion, one that was only prepared by the great magician at the Temple of Bengal. This magician used herbs and spices from far away lands and had trained with the powerful Brummy Lords of The North.

One cold winter night, Pom enticed the frosty Bumbag to the Temple of Bengal where he introduced her to the fine recipes of the magician and the erotic brew of the
FisherKing. Before long the Princess was intoxicated with the fine cuisine and became quite a fan of the magician.

Before long, she fell in love with Pom and they wed in a fine ceremony in the Land of the Long White Cloud. They lived for many years in Tonies Land where Pom worked hard shovelling manure for the Yankie Barons and the Princess for the Germanic Overlords.

After some years they were blessed with a child, the adorable Pomwi. Tonies Land was no place for children and Pom swore to take Bumbag back to her native land.

When the arrived they needed dwellings and soon met the smelly serf, Jerome, who worked for Lord Jeremiah Hook. Smelly Jerome was a cunning fellow and gifted in the darks arts of double dealing and untruths. He promised Pom and Bumbag the castle of their dreams and introduced them to the flatulent town planner, Tall Brewitt.

Now Tall was well known to Lord Hook who had protected him from angry locals before in exchange for gold coins. Smelly Jerome neglected to inform the hapless Pom and suspicious Bumbag of this history and painted a picture of perfect happiness for them. Soon, the devious Tall had them under his spell and, due to their trusting and honest nature, believed Talls' stories of fine palaces and ivory towers. They dreamed wonderful dreams and parted company with a good deal of their hard earned Spondolics (the currency of Tonies Land) in exchange for a vision of spleandour to be constructed in the mighty suburb of Kandul, a place of great beauty.

to be continued....


  1. Excellent. Don't expect too many comments though! (LOADS of people read mine but they don't comment - and I'm sorry for that.)

    It's so good to dress up real life as myth/fairy tale. Tres cathartic.

  2. Thanks! It's good fun indeed. I am particulalrly enjoying thinking up names for the characters involved...